Minding the Badge™ evolved from a group of mental health professionals,  researchers, and former first responders who recognized missing provisions in mental health for public safety professionals and desired to create better training to fill the gap. 

Since 2017, our contributors have brought more than 50 years of combined experience in clinical trauma therapy and first responder culture, but, perhaps more importantly, each of them share a common bond—a journey to find healing and happiness in the aftermath of moral injury, and the passion to teach others the solutions we found most valuable in our own victories and in the research we uncovered.

One of the reoccurring themes that came up in our research was the tremendous influence social relationships have on first responder mental health, especially the marriage and family. The best research makes a direct connection to marital resiliency in public safety and the mental resiliency of the first responder on and off the job. We believe the epidemic of disregulation among first responders will not be sufficiently addressed until we do more for their marriage and family.

In 2018, we developed a marriage retreat for first responder couples, seeing the lack of opportunities for first responders and their spouses to specifically address the challenges that the job can bring home. Minding the Marriage™ became the division of Minding the Badge™ we created to provide this help and are honored to offer this service for such a worthy cause.

Minding the Badge™ has agreed to format and coordinate a retreat specifically for the Fort Worth Professional Firefighters Association and the Fort Worth Police Officers Association, who are hosting this event for not only for their respective departments, but are encouraging any first responder couples to attend. This also allows us as a third party to preserve confidentiality, in case anyone would otherwise be reluctant to register if they had to do so through their department.

First responders and their spouses from any department in any state can attend this retreat for free, because of the gracious support of sponsors and the police and firefighter associations. The retreat is attended by an even blend of couples who either want help with current or past issues in their marriage, or couples who simply want to develop more resilience against the potential for future issues. 

Parking is free and doors open at 7:15AM for breakfast, as the program begins at 8:00AM; however, you will be able to continue eating after it begins. Lunch will also be served, and the event ends promptly at 4:00PM. 

Absolutely! If you're in a “first responder relationship” and share the same desire to protect and preserve it from the inevitable risks that come with the job, then by all means, join us. Why wait until marriage to learn how to make the most of one?

One of the things you will find different is that the retreat is not in a conference style format, but more along the style of a retreat—not that there will be scenic horseback riding or Pickleball tournaments, but that, rather than have speaker presentations lasting an hour or more, followed by short 20-30 minute breakout groups, our main presentations on stage are shortened and the breakout workshops are extended. This is the result of follow up surveys from previous retreat attendees who found the most benefit from what went on during the breakout groups, so they become the main attraction at our events. 

Another concept you will notice is that we don't spend the entire time discussing the problems and just repackaging them with endless statistics and bullet lists of information most of you already know or could discover on Google or YouTube without the need to attend a retreat. We address the problems enough to educate, and then we move on to discussing strategies and solutions, especially during the breakout groups. Although our leaders may share stories of the damaging impact of mental health issues, you will be inspired by what they went through to overcome and find a quality life again, and what advice they share on stage and in the breakout groups.

Aside from the solution focused teachings, the upbeat and positive atmosphere of this retreat is elevated by social connections with first responders and their spouses from across the country, but you'll also enjoy some great food and door prizes. You and your spouse will join others in a banquet style format seated at tables with other couples, so you can enjoy some social time and perhaps gain friendships that last beyond the retreat.

Our goal is to bring evidence based education on specific topics related to first responder marriages from a mental health perspective. We present information we believe is essential for both first responders and their spouses to know, but also customize the agenda to cover questions and topics submitted to us by couples through the anonymous pre-retreat online surveys you will receive near the end of September. This fluid style not only ensures we are addressing your specific needs, but it also promises a different experience at every retreat.

We won't be spending the whole day talking about PTSD (which isn't the biggest threat to first responders or their marriages), but rather topics more relevant based on the research and your feedback in the surveys.

Some topics we plan to cover for specific individual groups:

FIRST RESPONDERS:

• Why PTSD isn't your biggest mental health threat in public safety, and what to do about the threat you most likely will face.
• Strategies to involve your spouse in your mental adversities, while still guarding them from secondary trauma or compassion fatigue (common in civilian spouses).
• Communication hurdles caused by disregulation of the brain and nervous system and how to resolve them.
• Preemptive resiliency strategies of self-awareness and self-regulation that are proven to reduce or avoid disregulation you may bring home from the job.
• Creating post-shift rules at home to ensure the best transition from the job to the family without interfering crossovers of the two roles.
• What the most current research says about the cause of divorce and infidelity among first responder marriages, and how to avoid being another statistic.
• How to recognize and diffuse the four components that exist in every suicide contemplation before suicide becomes any consideration, and how your spouse can help by having the same radar.
• Strategies for having “healthy” arguments that lead to solutions and stronger bonds, rather than unresolved barriers.

SPOUSES:

• What you need to know about how the brain of a first responder may be negatively effected by his or her job and what to do if you sense disregulation.
• Understanding the real leading cause of divorce among first responders and what you as a spouse can do to recognize and response with strategies that work.
• Guarding against the secondary trauma or compassion fatigue that is common in civilian spouses of first responders. 
• How operational stress creates “spillover” into the home life, its impact on affection between spouses, and what you as a spouse can do about it.
• Why the regulation of emotions in first responders becomes disregulated and how it influences relationship satisfaction.
• The relationship between work/family conflicts and increased risk taking of first responders on the job.
• The best therapy options that address the most common mental health issues of first responders, and how you can approach them as a couple.
• Capturing the pride of being the spouse of a first responder and using it to turn  challenges into opportunities.
• What spouses need to know about suicide risk and how to preemptively address the four components that exist in every suicide contemplation.
• What the most current research says about the cause of divorce and infidelity among first responder marriages, and how to avoid being another statistic.

Once again, the retreat is not confined to these topics, but relies on your honest input on the anonymous surveys, so please take the time to fill these out if you have specific topics or challenges you want addressed—help us help you!

As previously mentioned, the breakout groups are where we open up discussion on topics we present, as well as any that are raised among the group. The chance to be among peers in a confidential setting to share or listen to experiences and get honest feedback is a rare chance for many first responder couples, so the discussions tend to take off quickly and are led by leaders who offer guidance and strategies in response. 

The retreat is driven by these breakout workshops, which take place after the presentations in the main event center. The groups evolve throughout the day, so that couples have the best exposure to various feedback from leaders and other peers in your groups. 

The scheduled breakouts will be as follows:

BREAKOUT ONE

Group 1: Police; Group 2: Police Spouses; Group 3: Firefighters/EMS; and Group 4: Firefighters/EMS Spouses 

BREAKOUT TWO

Group 1: Police; Group 2: Firefighters/EMS; and Group 3: Police Spouses and Firefighter/EMS Spouses 

BREAKOUT THREE

Group 1: Police & Police Spouses; Group 2: Firefighters/EMS and Firefighters/EMS Spouses 

BREAKOUT FOUR

Group 1: Police & Police Spouses; Group 2: Firefighters/EMS and Firefighters/EMS Spouses 

The breakout groups are confidential and only first responders, spouses, and retreat staff will be allowed in the rooms (no volunteers). There will be no recording of any kind, nor any ability for one group to overhear what is discussed in another.  

You can consider this 2024 Fall retreat to be the test model for what we would like to offer as a quarterly retreat in 2025. This not only allows multiple chances for couples to attend in light of first responder schedule conflicts, but it also allows couples to return to future retreats and continue to benefit from an experience that is different each time.

You and your spouse will be receiving a link to an anonymous survey by the end of September. Your participation is optional, but this does give us the chance to customize this retreat to meet you where you are, rather than bring a firm curriculum that is inflexible to the real world challenges and questions that you may have.

The input you provide—any past or current details and experiences—will not be shared at the retreat, but it can guide us to topics we might not otherwise cover, but are relevant to your particular marriage.

Along with this, you will receive some links to resources, including brief online videos that could better prepare you for some of the content that will be covered at this retreat. You will also be provided a Fact Sheet that details some of the research findings related to first responder marriages that may be covered during the breakout groups. These Fact Sheets will be divided into Police and Firefighters/EMS cultures. 

Near mid-October, we will send out RSVP confirmations to get a final head count. Your confirmation will result in access to your pass. That's it! We hope you can keep your reservation and be a part of this much needed outreach to the marriage and families of first responders.